Three-time champ keeps disease at bay
Mississauga News - October 29th, 2005
RADHIKA PANJWANI - Staff
In the business of beauty, cancer is an unwelcome intruder.
Carolyn Nikkanen, 48, knows too well that having to beat cancer three times is three times too many.
A former model, Nikkanen’s honed instincts seek flawlessness and perfection of the body.
Yet despite losing a breast to cancer, hair to chemotherapy and her uterus to hysterectomy, she didn’t feel any “less a woman.” She did before, but not anymore.
“I like who I am now, more than who I was,” she said. “It (cancer) has created an awareness and I am in tune with myself.”
This inner strength and quiet contemplation is the result of experiencing pain, loss, anger and every conceivable emotion, over and over. With October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Nikkanen believes her battles and triumphs can inspire others who are faced with similar health issues.
Nikkanen’s life altered when, one day when when undressing she noticed a lump in her left breast. She was a 35-year-old single mom raising two daughters at the time.
She remembers going in for a mammogram, a subsequent biopsy and the horror of realizing that life was indeed fragile.
The result of the biopsy revealed she was in the initial stages of cancer.
“When I was sitting in the doctor’s office, I felt like I was in a movie and that I was above my body watching,” she said. “It was as if I left my body and wasn’t there.”
She underwent a mastectomy and six months later opted for an implant. And then once again during a self-examination of the breast she found another lump. This time, the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes, she was in stage two.
The doctor suggested chemotherapy and Nikkanen was warned she would lose her hair.
“Actually, the idea of losing my hair devastated me more than the chemo,” she said. “I was a single mom and I kept thinking, how could this be happening?”
Nikkanen survived chemotherapy and its side-effects and gamely opted for a wig.
“Sometimes at night, when I was alone, I would look into the mirror and cry, my God, I am sick, I have cancer,” she said. “And in the daytime, I would put my makeup and wig on and then I would go to work, even if I didn’t feel like going. It was my work that kept me going.”
In retrospect, Nikkanen thinks if she hadn’t discovered the first lump in time, she would have lost the battle to cancer.
“My advice to women is: even if you are young, examine your breasts regularly. Women have to be aware and in tune with their own bodies.”
Life was getting into some semblance of normalcy, when in 2000, she noticed a lump yet again, this time in the scar tissue.
Nikkanen underwent surgery to remove the malignant tissue and was prescribed Tamoxifen, an anti-cancer drug.
It has been five years of cancer-free existence, but the apprehension bubbles ever so gently under the surface.
“The fear that you live with when you’re diagnosed with cancer never totally goes away,” she said.
Nikkanen is a businesswoman who owns a string of enterprises such as Carolyn’s Model and Talent Agency Ltd,. Carolyn’s Kidz and Studio Talent Mgt. She is the spokesperson for the Canadian Cancer Society and volunteers for Look Good, Feel Better, an organization that teaches women the art of make-up and grooming while being diagnosed with cancer.
“I have to say to anybody going through cancer, it is not the end of the world,” Nikkanen said. “It can be beaten. I am the example. I really believe, the mind has something to do with it.”